Good Negotiator or Manipulator? You Decide

Last Wednesday evening I was cooking chicken soup and thinking about how close I was to the end of a very full day. I was looking forward to settling into bed with a good book and a glass of something refreshing. 

Tom had left for Lusaka the day before and would be away for a couple nights. 

As I chopped and stirred in the kitchen, Peter stopped by for a chat. The following conversation took place:

Peter: Mom, do you ever sleep alone?

Me: Sometimes.

Peter: Does it make you sad to sleep alone?

Me: *knowing full where where he is going with this* Why do you ask?

Peter: Well, I just thought since Dad is gone, I could sleep with you.

I was glad I had my back to him as I stirred the pot of soup because I was cracking up.

Peter has been asking to sleep with me for a few weeks now, but I always tell him no because "Mommy and Daddy need their privacy". And after I explained the meaning of privacy Peter had seemed to accept my decision. 

I guess he understood better than I thought and had simply bided his time. But rather than just ask me outright, he made it sound like he'd be doing me a favor. 

What would you do? Would you give in to the psychology that Peter employed?

Of course I let him spend the night with me. Creative thinking should be rewarded when possible. And it was fun to spend extra time with him.

One Year Ago: A Crazy 35-Hour Day

Three Years Ago: Some Mother's Child
Four Years Ago: Honey, Honey (another humorous parenting story)

Rising and Falling

;

Today's word prompt is Rise. Immediately the following lyrics came to mind and I began to write:

I will rise on eagle's wings. Before my God fall on my knees, and rise.

Such an interesting juxtaposition of phrases. I'm going to rise, but in order to do that I must fall down.

 We've rehabilitated hawks a few times in Zambia and as they are learning to fly they fall a lot. But, before you know it they have gained wind beneath their wings, learned how to control it, and they are off. There is nothing we can do to help that process other than make sure their nest is high enough that they get a bit of help on their way down.

In the words of Woody: Falling with style

As my kids grow up it can be hard to watch them 'fall' out of the nest. They can get some good swoops in and fly short distances, but other times they hit the ground a little hard. 

As a parent the best thing I can do is model the rise and fall of life in a positive way and hope they take something away from my example. 

My six kids in various stages of flight celebrating Timothy's graduation

And when they swoop through the sky I cheer with all my might. When they hit the ground I kiss their bruised wings. And continue to nudge them back in the air again.

So this turned out differently than I thought it would when I started writing, but it's my heart on the page. Enjoy!

Exactly Four Years Ago: Sundays in My City
Almost Exactly Four Years Ago: I'm Not the Only One Missing Someone (and boy, am I missing him today....)

Finding Relief in Mothering

Today’s word is relief. Nothing profound really came to mind when I heard this word, but I challenged myself to write anyway. Stretching oneself is good for the soul, or so they say....

Easter Sunday!
Such a treat to be together as a family

The main thing that comes to me is the relief I feel when I know that my loved ones are safe. I regularly check in with my kids through Facebook when I’m in Zambia, and now while in the States I can keep up with them through phone calls and texting.

My brother in law and his wife just buried their oldest daughter this past weekend after she passed away in a tragic accident. While there is some relief that she is now completely safe and far beyond hurt and pain, there is awful longing and grief for her loss.

Balloons released for my niece, Lisa 

I know our days are in His hands and there is absolutely nothing I can do to keep my kids from harm’s way—especially now that they are grown and making their own decisions.

Someone said (I can’t remember who) that being a mother means having a piece of your heart out in the world. I’m badly paraphrasing that eloquent saying, but it’s true just the same.

Relief also comes when my kids each begin to find their place in the world. When they find their calling and passion and reach their goals. Mothering is fulfilled in those moments.

And that's a wrap. Five minutes is not long at all.......

Exactly One Year Ago: Volunteering is Grrreat!

Exactly Two Years Ago: Visitors and Parties

Exactly Four Years Ago: Sunday in My City--Shopping Trips

Exactly Five Years Ago: A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That

Denny's Growing Up

Ever since Denny came to stay with us over a year ago, he has grown so much. It hasn't been an easy road, but we have had some wonderful victories also.

I've been a bit concerned about Denny's development for a while. His physical development is still a bit delayed, but I've been more concerned with his mental and emotional development. 

Denny quickly figured out that Peter is the one to copy since 'he's got it figured out'. Peter has incredible self-confidence and moves around the orphanage like he owns the place. He's also so darn cute that he gets a fair amount of attention.

Having seen this, Denny began copying Peter's every move. One day Peter walked up to me, giggled, performed a prat fall and then giggled again. Denny immediately did the exact same thing down to the tone of the giggle. 

He never came up to me on his own, but if Peter came up and told me he loved me, Denny would do the exact same thing. 

I worried that he wasn't developing his own thoughts and processes. Mimicking can be a sign of a developmental disability.

I quizzed the volunteers as they worked with him, asking if he communicated at all, and they reassured me that he did--though not as much as the others--but I had yet to see it for myself.

Then, one night, a few days after holding a birthday party for four of the children, I walked down to the nursery to check on the kids as they prepared for bed. 

Denny saw me from across the room and called out, "Mommy, I want a Happy Birthday!". I nearly did a happy dance right then and there. He not only formed a complete sentence on his own, but he acknowledged a want and a wish and then communicated it to me! Picture me grinning widely as I type this. 

Every child that comes to stay with us brings their own set of emotional, mental and physical needs. Please continue to pray for us as we meet those needs to the best of our ability!

(Almost) Exactly One Year Ago: Oh, Johnny

(Almost) Exactly Two Years Ago: Chola in the Big City

Honey, Honey

My daughter recently sent this photo from Secret to Humor is Surprise* to my son. It brought back some funny memories.

You see, when my kids were little, they were a little squeamish about eating the spots on the banana that have gotten a bit over-ripe. Being a really good (and really smart) mom, I told them they were honey spots and, since all children love honey--who wouldn't after watching an episode or thirty dozen of Winnie the Pooh?--they ate those bananas right up. 

This little white lie meant I could buy the cheaper bananas and even leave them sitting on the counter for awhile without worrying about them getting too squishy. The squishier, the more honey**! I couldn't lose!

I don't remember how old my kids were when they finally discovered the truth about bananas but they were old enough to shoot me looks of pure disappointment at the fact that their beloved mother had deceived them. Bananas are not really a source of honey. 

More importantly, they learned that moms don't always tell the truth. It was a dark day in the Morrow household. Some of them may still hold a grudge--I'm pretty sure T.J does. 

For my part though, I have no regrets. I would do it again in a heartbeat. And that's one of the things that makes me a great mom!

Have you ever deceived your kids for their own good?

*While this page on Facebook has some truly funny stuff, much of it is inappropriate or as they say on the Interwebs, Not Suitable for Work. Read at your own peril.

**Have no fear, my children were never in any danger of bodily harm. A bubbling banana was thrown away--all others were fair game for snacks or baking.

 Exactly Two Years Ago: Invited to a Ball

I'm Not Tired....Really, I'm Not....

Grace has done so well in adjusting to life with us here at Kazembe Orphanage. Because she is younger than 3 months, I've been fairly flexible with her schedule while nudging her toward a 3 hour feeding plan. That is one of the big reasons I keep the littlest babies with me. I can use a bit of discretion to see if a baby needs to sleep a bit longer or eat earlier. Always moving to the goal of being on a schedule. 

Since we have 7 babies one year and below, we don't have the luxury of being too loosey-goosey with the feeding schedules. Unless they're sick, we need to feed them on a schedule so that no matter who is on duty, the way is clear.

I've been pleasantly surprised to see Grace settling in well to a schedule. She occasionally eats sooner than the 3 hour mark and every once in a while will wait 4 hours before being hungry (note: I never let her go longer than that during the day), but what never changes is that I noticed that exactly 1.5 hours after eating, Grace is ready to sleep. The normal plan is that she eats, burps, eats, does her business, gets a diaper change, cuddles, plays alone and then lets us know she's ready to sleep. I'll be working as she plays on a blanket nearby and when she begins fussing I can predict the time and I'll be correct within a few minutes.

The funny thing is, she is completely ready for the nap but doesn't like to give in to it. As soon as I cuddle her, she begins to thrash and cry. Not just whimpers, but full blown sobs and wails. At first I got upset and tried to make her happy. Nothing would work. Now I sit quietly and rock her just the tiniest bit and gently pat her diapered bottom from time to time. And it works.

Watch:

2:32 PM

2:34 PM

2:36 PM

2:40 PM

In less than ten minutes we have a perfectly peaceful baby girl. Such a good baby!

This post has brought to you by the makers of Adventures and the word Real

Exactly One Year Ago: Good Samaritan

Normal Kid or Criminal in the Making?

As I left the playground the other day I saw Johnny (4 years old) at the corner of the residential building. I knew that he had just gone to the bathroom and he looked to be heading back to play with the other kids. He was using his t-shirt to wipe his mouth that was covered with white crumbs. I was in the middle of reminding him that his shirt was not a napkin when the penny dropped and I wondered why there were crumbs on his mouth. I noticed he was chewing something also. 

When I asked him what he was eating, he pulled a small piece of roasted cassava from his waistband. Since we haven't served cassava I wondered where it had come from. He said he had found it on the ground and pointed to the ground right next to him. I knew immediately that he was lying and insisted he tell me the truth. He then said he had found it on the floor of the bathroom. I had him show me exactly where. He pointed it out. Since it was such a small piece of cassava I thought it was entirely possible that one of the nannies had dropped something in there. I lectured him on eating things off the ground and then let him go.


I then walked with him back to the playground and asked the nannies if it was possible that they had dropped cassava in the bathroom. They said no, but that they had left a few pieces behind in the little unfinished room where they do their cooking on a little brazier. 


I knew then that Johnny had lied (again!) to me because where I found him initially was right next to that room. I called Johnny over, and took him to the staff kitchen. After first denying it twice, he eventually confessed to taking the cassava from the room. I started telling him how naughty it was to steal and lie to me and as I explained everything I reminded him how he had hid the cassava inside his waistband when lo and behold I discovered that it was full of even more cassava. He had been smart enough to only produce a small amount in his first confession so that he could keep the mother lode.


After an explanation of his wrongdoings I asked him to apologize to me for lying and then to the nannies from whom he'd stolen the food. By the time he was finished apologizing to everyone one by one, he was sobbing--whether from true remorse or because his stash had been discovered, I'll never know. I do know that it made an impression on him.


Johnny is one of our brightest and smartest kids and it shows by him being one of the first to try such a big crime.


Tom remembers stealing a toy at about 5 years old and hatching a plan to hide it in the bushes so he could 'find' it on a walk with his mom that evening. I guess that sinful nature and 'normal' kid behavior is truly universal.