No One Told Me

I wanted to be a mom from as far back as I can remember. My sister and I played house when we were little and we took it to the next level by planning our kids' names, the weekly menus, the chore lists. Basically all our house play was done on paper.

We also listed our future husband's names and included a boyfriend for the side as well. Somehow we believed that husbands were necessary but boyfriends were fun. Why not have both?

I was so excited to be pregnant after only 3 months of marriage and delighted to give birth to twin girls. This was totally in my plan. Ok, not the twin part--that was a surprise but I wanted to have eight children and have a girl first because oldest girls are big helps. I should know!

Being pregnant and giving birth were delightful. Even with premature deliveries, emergency breech births (delivered naturally--ouch!) I would so totally go back and do it again.

Watching over the little ones and teaching them how to read and seeing them learn new skills was a ton of work but still so enjoyable.

But.....

no one told me.....

how much fun teenagers could be.

Seeing my kids change from children into young adults is the most rewarding experience.

This spring I took my oldest girls back to the States so they could go to college and we had a blast traveling together and getting them settled in the States. Watching them learn all about this brand new culture and teaching them how to take care of their finances and get jobs was challenging but exhilarating.

One of my biggest Thanksgivings for this year was that the girls have settled in so well. They are nearly done with their first semester in college and are doing really well. Jennifer has decided to be a teacher and Jessica is considering becoming a counselor.

T.J is my oldest son and is a delight to me. He takes life so seriously. He would like to go into politics and may join the military first. I think he would make a great History professor as well.

One of the things I enjoy about having teenagers around is that for once there is someone in the house more melodramatic than me. Real conversation with one of my sons:

He: Mom, I'm really sad.



Me: Really? Why?



He: Remember that James Bond movie we just watched? (note: the one that came out in 1997)
Well, that was the last time that Q was in it. They changed the actor. It just won't be the same.



Me: Oh. I'm sorry.

And because I'm a good mom I didn't snicker until I was in private. Well, and then here too but this is pretty private, right?

This is Timothy. He entertains us with his antics and crazy ideas. He hates normal and loves to shock the world.

In the midst of his craziness he is a really good teacher. Timmy runs the preschool circle time and takes really good care of the kids. He is kind to them but a good disciplinarian as well.He has said that he wants to be a teacher but thinks his older sister 'stole his idea' and so he isn't sure anymore.

This is Jasmine. My youngest daughter and right hand man (sorry, woman) right now. She is the perfect assistant. Once when we ran into a snag with the meal plans for the kids I suggested a solution and then (as is typical for me) completely forgot about it. Late that night Jasmine came and got the exact instructions for putting the plan into effect.
The next morning I told her that she would make a great personal assistant and she replied, "why not the boss?" That's my girl!

She's considered doing some modeling as well. It will be interesting to see how her life choices shape up.

Troy is my youngest son and at 12 is on the brink of becoming a teenager. He works hard to take care of our chickens and the other animals also. When the chicks were tiny he had to put a charcoal brazier (stove) in their pen each night.

Troy's real passion though is computer work and inventions. He makes animated movies and loads them onto YouTube. He has built a couple robots as well and just like a good youngest child he loves to sing, dance and act.

His favorite time is when we have young volunteer visitors (especially those from the Peace Corps) because he gets the proper respect from them--he can't count on his older brothers for that, of course.

I absolutely love how kids grow up and develop their own personalities. It's amazing how even though they've been taught right here in my home they still surprise me with things they've learned and know.

My mom always said that kids should be an improvement on the stock. I really see that in my kids. We plant seeds in their lives and watch as they grow into something amazing. God has been so good in giving us kids who are willing to serve Him alongside us.

Village entertainment

Someone said once that living over here would give us a taste of what it is like to live with racism regularly. I thought about it but after contemplation I have to say that living here under constant scrutiny is more like being a celebrity.

Granted it’s celebrity without any other perks like access to plush spas and first class treatment but celebrity status nonetheless. On a recent family trip to a lakeside town, this was again brought to the forefront of my mind. Tom loves playing around with his GPS so, along with Jasmine, he searched Google Earth to find a potentially ‘undiscovered’ beach where we could camp. We found the little track leading to the beach. A seemingly deserted clearing filled with children as soon as we parked our car.

Tom left with our kids to explore the beach while I stayed in the car to watch it. read rather than trudging through the sand. A crowd of children clustered around the car to watch me. They crept closer and closer, peering through the windows, looking at me, until I lifted my camera and then they would scatter. They got bolder and bolder over the next hour. At one point they burst into song and began dancing. Unfortunately I was unable to capture this. It was really sweet.

Celebrity status is not always easy to deal with as we are constantly stared at. It is impossible to just blend in and go about our business. I imagine this is the way Julia Roberts feels when she dashes to the store to get milk and people stare and examine all she does. I've had people stare as I shopped and discuss every item in my cart with their friends.

There is also the element of ‘but you [as a celebrity] have so much—why can’t you share with us? ' We’ve all done it—a celebrity gives 1 million to some cause and we think, “Well, sure, if that’s all you can spare out of your last hundred million salary for such and such movie.” The expanse between them and us is so wide that we can’t even begin to understand what life is like for them. We experience this when people come to our door and they ask for help. We do what we can but it is simply impossible to meet the needs of everyone and at times even when we go above and beyond there is still a feeling that we are judged by the community for what we still have rather than what we’ve given.

Of course any mistakes we make are also blindingly obvious to all around us. Tom once hit a guinea fowl with his car on the way to a shopping trip. Animals are hit and killed on a regular basis since they seem to view roads as their personal playground but when Tom hit the bird it was immediately big news in the village and he was held to a much higher standard because of who he is. We experienced this recently when we had the accident involving the boy.

Sometimes ‘celebrity status’ can have a few perks—on the bus we rarely have to sit on boxes in the aisles because the conductors will usually find us a seat. And there are a few other times that it pays to be a ‘celebrity’ but mostly it just means that we are stared at a lot.

I’m just glad that for all the attention we attract here we don’t have to deal with paparazzi. If we did photos such as this one might end up haunting me.

I can hear them now: “What was she thinking dressing like that? No make up? We’ve heard of eccentric chefs but this mad look might be taking it too far.”

Whew! It’s a good thing this photo wasn’t posted on the internet. That would be really embarrassing!

Queenie

Queenie

Our kids--Volume IV

Queenie was the second child we took in. She is one of our single orphan children. What this means is that although she has a father she is considered in this country to be an orphan because her father is not able to provide for and care for her on his own.

Queenie also has two older sisters who would look after her when they could but they were just little girls. Here is Queenie on the day her father and older sister came for the tour and interview.

After taking Queenie in and getting her some clothes and food, Tom went back to her house to take photos of her extended family. Even after all our time here it is still sobering to see the conditions that so many people live in.

The contrast in living standards was huge. Queenie went from spending her days riding around on her sisters' back or sitting in the dirt outside her home to playing with colorful toys and eating five times a day and having nannies to look after her all the time.

The change wasn't without a few tears but Queenie has always had such a sweet spirit.

She grew up really fast and got healthy and strong.

There was some concern on the part of the nannies and her dad when she didn't speak as early as they would have liked. They kept asking us to bring in a witch doctor to cut her tongue. We urged them to wait and let her develop in her own time. Sure enough, while not a chatter box, she is a normal preschooler who speaks just fine.

Here is Queenie in our petting zoo. Right now we have two ducks, many rabbits and oodles of guinea pigs and a monkey. Right now the monkey gets put away before the little ones get there. We want the kids to be used to animals and eventually they'll be able to help care for them as part of their chores.

Recently we had a psychologist (working with autistic children) visit and we asked her to evaluate Queenie. One of our concerns when taking in these little ones is that we have no idea what effect months or years of malnourishment have had on them--not to mention the trauma their little spirits have suffered due to the loss or abandonment of one or both of their parents.
It was so nice to have someone come in and give us some input on Queenie's care. She has some mannerisms that are interesting but this professional said that she seems to be fine.

This is my favorite shot of Queenie because it shows her loving personality. See how she has Moriah's hand in hers and her other hand is resting protectively on Theresa's knee? I love it.

Fab Friday Foto--Volume V

Nearly all the buses here have these mottoes on them. Most of them have to do with speed or the lack thereof. I just have one thing to say--the snail also has a much greater chance of getting squished! Seriously! 19 hours to cover the same distance I can do in 12 hours with breaks? Seriously!

Happy Thanksgiving

From our family

to yours

I'm thankful for God's calling in our life

I'm thankful for children that work cheerfully beside us

I'm thankful that the first two to fly the nest are soaring

I'm thankful for all our children

I'm thankful for their good health

(and ours)

I'm thankful for this blog because it helps keep me sane

We will be having our Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday because I had to travel two days to get the ingredients. Out of 42 hours 30 were spent on a bus. I just got back this morning. But, I prevailed! We have a turkey and cream for whipping!

Here's our menu:

Turkey and stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy
Gem squash
Peas, carrots, green beans and corn
Angel Biscuits

Apple pie
Pumpkin pie
Cheesecake
Whipped cream and/or custard

Since everything from the cream cheese to the stuffing to the crusts has to be made from scratch you can see why we are postponing.

Have a great turkey day all!

And to my readers not gorging on this great food today--sorry.

Adventure on the Night Bus

I wrote this a couple months ago but thought I'd post it today since I'll be traveling for a couple days. I will be taking the bus down to Lusaka and back again so please keep me in your prayers.

In the middle of August I traveled down to Lusaka, our capital city with Jasmine to pick up our newest volunteers. It was also an opportunity for Jasmine to get away from life at the orphanage and relax. We watched some movies, ate ice cream, said goodbye to a Peace Corps Volunteer who had finished her term of service and enjoyed life in the big city.

Late one night we took a taxi out to the airport and met up with Katherine and Kirstie who were going to volunteer with us for 3 months. It was their first time traveling alone (in fact it was the first time on an airplane for one of them) and so we were glad their 3 airplane rides had been smooth and all their luggage arrived safely and on the same plane--not always the case.

The next afternoon after some shopping for supplies we went to the bus station and bought tickets for the night bus. Because we had so much luggage we were asked to be at the station at 2:30 PM for a 4 PM departure.

At 3:00 we decided to go ahead and sit on the bus because there was nowhere else to go and we were being harassed by people who were excited by the sight of 3 young white girls (myself not included). Vendors singled us out, drunks attempted conversation and children called out 'muzungu, muzungu' over and over.

Finally at 5 PM the bus moved out of the station. Remember our departure time was for 4 PM so by African standards we were off to a good start.

The good start quickly was lost as we spent over an hour at the weigh station 3 hours into the trip. We ate some dinner (cheese, crackers and an apple) around 9 PM and then settled in for the night. As always I had brought my head lamp so I could read during the long journey. No sooner had I turned it on when the conductor shouted "no lights"! I tried to shield the light by holding my pillow over the light and reading low in my lap but nothing doing. "No lights!", he continued to shout. Right after I extinguished my light our two traveling companions decided they needed to find something in their backpack and used a small flashlight to do it. "No lights!!!" was again shouted from the front of the bus. By now most of the passengers were chuckling over this little drama. The conductor had so worked himself into a state that even those unfortunate passengers who attempted to use their phones to check the time were yelled at.

This all took place around midnight so we tried to get comfortable and get some sleep. Just about two hours later we heard a huge bang and felt a thump as the bus began weaving across the road. I prayed urgently for the Lord's protection and the bus slowed down and came to a stop. All the passengers were shouting and wondering aloud what might have happened. Once it became apparent that we had not blown a tire I worried that we had hit a person. There is very little wildlife in Zambia along the roads aside from farm animals and they usually bed down for the night.

As I sat there praying, the conductor boarded the bus and asked if anyone had a torch (flashlight) he could borrow. All the passengers broke into laughter and said "the muzungus do". I passed my headlamp up, chuckling along with the others but also asking "who is thankful now, huh?".

Not being able to control my curiosity anymore as well as knowing what Tom would have done if he'd been there and therefore what he'd require of me, I borrowed Katherine's flashlight and got off the bus to investigate.

This is what I saw first. Complete devastation. We hit a large animal! Everyone was saying what a miracle that the bus had stayed upright. Several people said we must have had angels holding onto the four corners of the bus.

There was animal hair caught in the bus fender. Is the piece in front a fender or a bumper? What's the difference? Someone solve this mystery for me, please!

I moved around to the back of the bus where the men had brought the fallen animal. I still don't know what this is. A waterbuck, bushback, impala? Maybe one of my readers can tell me. I think the poor thing was pregnant.

Upon closer inspection of the front of the bus we found only one headlight remaining and that one was pretty mangled. The conductor and someone else worked to dismantle the wires hanging from the left side of the bus so they could collect enough pieces to get one headlight working. You can see how dark the night was. We were out in the middle of nowhere and the bus didn't even have its hazard or caution lights on so we were sitting ducks right in the middle of the road. When I heard a truck coming I ran to the back of the bus and shone the flashlight back and forth to alert them to our presence.

They had to pull off the rack or whatever that thing is called and put it inside for later.

They managed to pull together enough to get one light working somewhat. At the end they couldn't get the bulb to sit right in the center of the light so they shoved plastic grocery sacks all around to hold it in place. Gotta love what they can do with plastic bags here.

Finally, a working light.

We drove very slowly and finally reached the next major city at 7 AM. After waiting around for a while and then eventually switching buses we made it safely home--12 hours of travel had become 18 hours. We had been on the bus for 20 hours and were so glad to get off. Another episode of African travel behind us.

An Adventure of the Highest Order

I promised you an adventure today and I won’t let you down.

Note: You might want to check this out before letting small children see the photos. They may be a bit frightening.

Every once in a while we are reminded how blessed we are to be from a country with liberties and freedoms. There are many who would say we are losing them fast and they’re probably right but when you see what we saw this week it makes you so grateful.

Last week Tom heard about a case in the village where a man was accused of killing another man using witchcraft. According to the local gossip this man had an invisible charm hidden in his house and now some witch doctors were going to be hired to find it and prove his guilt.

Don’t you love it? It’s better than the Emperor and his invisible clothes. All these guys have to do is walk into a house and pull out an invisible item and they are heroes. Meanwhile, a possibly innocent man is convicted without a trial.

Tom asked if he could be present to document the proceedings. They reluctantly agreed and a few days later he was told to come down to the town to see what was going to transpire. The mob we saw the day before was the tribal council where they were deciding whether these witch doctors would be let in to the community to witch hunt.

When Tom arrived the witches were preparing themselves by putting on special clothes and putting face paint on as well as washing their eyes with grass water. This would help them see the invisible things. They offered to wash Tom’s eyes but he declined.

The two witch doctors then stripped down naked (replacing their underpants afterward) to show that they weren't concealing anything in their clothes.

Before entering the house they moved around the yard shaking rattles and carrying a turtle's shell with a mirror and coins on it.

There was some confusion for awhile where the accused man and his family didn’t want their house searched after all but then when they walked down the road a bit to discuss things the witches took advantage of his absence and ran into the house.

Tom followed them with his video camera (set on night vision) and it was like a crazy episode of Ghostbusters on reality TV. The witches and their helpers were bouncing from room to room searching. After a while they admitted defeat and ran down the road but then came back to resume the hunt. After a bit Tom heard screaming and yelling from one of the rooms and rushed in to see a man writhing on the floor. He (the witch, not Tom) called for the special grass water to be brought and then plunged his hand in and pulled out a rolled up item shaped like a voodoo doll.

The two witches took out the doll and showed the crowd. One them then said, wait there’s more and ran back in the house. The other witch ran out into the village. Tom went back into the house and a few minutes later as the witch began to yell and call for water again the other witch dove through one of the windows. Tom was shocked—he’d never seen anything like it outside of a Hollywood movie. After a bit more confusion a second voodoo doll was doused in the grass water which was supposed to nullify the magic. As they came out of the house they were touted as heroes and the crowd picked them up and carried them around the yard in celebration.

But then the accused man came back and things got crazy. Everyone was yelling and shouting and a true mob began to form. Tom was confused as the crowd seemed to have turned against the witches. They begged Tom to give them a ride to the Traditional Court so he agreed. As is common here once the car doors were open a ton of people poured in. Then the crowd really went crazy. What Tom didn't know because the car was so full of people was that the accused man had been put in the car too and the mob wanted instant justice. They wanted to stone him right then and there.

The crowd began shaking the car and blocked Tom in so he couldn’t drive at all. When Tom asked our gardener to intervene the crowd just picked him up and carted him away-mosh pit style. The mob began pelting the car with mangos and clods of mud. Several hit Tom with one hitting him square in the face. Then a mango crashed through our back window.

Tom had had enough and asked the witches to find their own way out. They jumped out and ran and the crowd followed. Tom was then able to remove the barrier the crowd had erected and drive home, shaken but safe.

We still don’t know if the man was even guilty. We found out later that he hadn’t even killed someone but that a man had developed an open wound on a now paralyzed arm. The injured man couldn’t explain the injury so they asked a witch and he pointed the finger at a man. Tom believes that the supposed voodoo things could have been brought in by any of the witches or their helpers—especially since the helpers didn’t strip down and were running in and out of the house.

As I write this the poor man (unless he really is guilty, then shame on him) is still sitting in the traditional courts awaiting judgment.

One final word: In case you think this post doesn't fit on my blog since it wasn't exactly Amy's Adventure--you try sitting at home and having your husband come back smeared in mud with a broken car. That's enough adventure for one day.