First of all, I would like to welcome all my new followers who joined Amy's Adventures this week. I'm so glad you've decided to join my on my never boring, always interesting and occasionally scary journey.
Secondly, I would like to say that I hope to have a lighthearted post up soon. One that looks at life in Zambia and laughs in the face of difficulty.
Today is not that day.
All day I've been struggling with anxiety. Our dogs ran away last night and were gone for nearly 24 hours. We've had animals killed since living here. That fear was weighing on me all day. Thankfully they came home this evening, muddy and mostly likely beaten, but alive and safe.
Tom is about to leave and we have to get everything ready for his departure. I don't want him to go, but I know he has to. How will I handle issues like dogs disappearing, without him by my side? My weakness is embarrassing.
There are also so many loose threads that have to come together before Tom leaves on Monday. I'm confident we'll get everything on our list done, but I worry about what we're forgetting to put on the list.
Then there is the whole reason he is leaving. It's time for our annual big fundraising push and we struggle with fear each year. What if we can't reach enough people. What if our information isn't compelling enough?
I know deep inside that this anxiety is not from God and is my soul reacting to the spiritual force--that boogey man called Satan--that wants to scare me away from being productive and used of God. He would love to have me curled up in a ball on my bed sucking my thumb, which frankly looks pretty attractive to me at this point. My heart believes in God's ability to see me through any challenge, but my stomach hasn't gotten the message and instead is in knots (& craving chocolate if the truth be told) and all jittery.
Tears come often and seem to be just a breath away. Much of this could be hormonal (see above reference to chocolate cravings) but it doesn't make it any easier to rationalize and think it through.
I should be better at this by now. The ebbs and flows of life in God's service. But maybe it is my weakness that has allowed God to come through so wonderfully all this time. No, not maybe. For sure. I am incapable of accomplishing anything without His help. If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm a mess! But my Boss is awesome.
While I slow down, breathe, and remember Who is big enough to handle my little problems (he managed to hang the universe after all), would you offer up a prayer for me? Thank you!